Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
