Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
