i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize