Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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