Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
