He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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