If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
