How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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