She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
