I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
