Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
