Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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