ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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