OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
