I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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