Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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