Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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