so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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