I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
