I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
