Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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