They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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