So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Randomize