haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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