I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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