I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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