my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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