I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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