i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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