What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
