YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
