i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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