I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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