birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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