Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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