i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
