she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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