You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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