at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
