East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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