My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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