I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
