Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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