No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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