as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
