Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize