She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
