I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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