Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
