cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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