onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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