We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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