I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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