I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you would pick up someone in the library
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
