don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
