plz talk dirty to me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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