Me too!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
