I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
