Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
