dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
