Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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