Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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