Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
