happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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