Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
