She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
