Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
