You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
