i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
