bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
