you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
