Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
