but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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