You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
