WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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