ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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