I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
