how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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