Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
