is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
