Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
