Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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