How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
