I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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