I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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