It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
