ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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