Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
