Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
