1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
