we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
