This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
