Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
