He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
