the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
